


it’s better to be held than holding on

by cowoby



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:41:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21552454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cowoby/pseuds/cowoby
Summary: there are times when junmyeon must separate himself from suho. he just needs a little help with realising when those times are.
Relationships: Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Oh Sehun
Comments: 2
Kudos: 77





	it’s better to be held than holding on

**Author's Note:**

> takes place after seho room split. not essential information, but just know that they have different rooms now

the only times junmyeon let suho go was right before he went to sleep and right when he woke up. otherwise, you would catch him keeping careful eyes on all of his members or looking through papers to ensure he remembered all of their schedules for the week.

it wasn’t like he was forced to stay in leader mode 24/7, but the grateful looks on his members’ faces whenever he reminded them of a shoot they almost forgot about seemed too precious just to ignore.

and just like that, suho had made his way into junmyeon’s life. with the bad jokes to cheer his members up, the hyperactive dancing to red velvet, and the need to make sure that every member of exo was as happy as they could be (within his control of course). that was who he was. suho.

~

sehun had learned to watch over junmyeon frequently.

he knew the leader didn’t catch onto the lingering stares of their youngest member. sehun made sure to be careful when watching over the leader to ensure he wouldn’t be able to confront him about something he didn’t, and (sehun hoped) would never know.

so he subtly made sure that junmyeon was getting as much rest, water, and food that he could under all of the pressure of their hectic idol schedules. it was his unknown was of saying, “thank you. for being there,” and he hoped that junmyeon knew that.

~

the first time that junmyeon realised just how important his role in the group was came surprisingly. a question that the young exo-k members had no idea how to answer had the microphone being passed all the way down the line, five pairs of doe eyes staring at him.

it was in the midst of fans and the internet making constant articles about him not being good enough for exo, and made him feel selfish and guilty for being a burden.

he felt like before then, he’d been an awful leader, only distracting the other members, though he was the one who was supposed to take of them, and from then on, he’d promise to never burden anyone again.

~

that was his plan, all until 2014 when two of their members left. then one more in 2015.

junmyeon couldn’t blame them, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t disappointed or upset.

he’d miss kris, luhan, and tao even though it was unacceptable to show.

so that was why when the other members didn’t want to go on stage to accept their award after yifan left, he swallowed his tears and danced on the stage to overdose, the falling confetti and other groups being the only thing to be there with him.

~

sehun had never seen junmyeon cry.

of course, there were a few tears here and there, but often, the other would hold in his emotions and leave them to himself.

the only way that sehun was able to see the leader truly relaxed was when he was sleeping in sehun’s arms, in sehun’s room, the both of them laying in sehun’s bed.

and then, he got to stare at junmyeon’s soft features as much as he liked before falling asleep with warmth in his arms and butterflies in his stomach.

~

it happened one night when junmyeon came back from a meeting. he said that it was only album details that the others didn’t need to worry about, so they stayed home.

sehun knew that something was wrong when the older came home though. his shoulders were tenser than normal, and his head hung lower than usual. the leader’s eyes were glossy, like he was holding back tears, but it was when he went into sehun’s room first instead of his own and closed the door softly, that the younger was sure.

he got up from one of the small couches in front of the tv and made his way to the door of his room. sehun slowly and cautiously turned the doorknob (internally celebrating the fact that it was unlocked), and walked in.

“myeon-ah?” sehun softly called out to the shaking shoulders covered by his thick comforters.

“myeon-ah? are you okay?” he asked, worry increasing.

the shaking under the covers stopped and the older sucked in a harsh flow of air. sehun could tell that junmyeon had hoped that the younger wouldn’t notice the clear signs of him crying.

“yeah, sehunnie, i’m fine,” the leader croaked out. at a slight hiccup in his voice, sehun moved closer to junmyeon’s bed.

“y’know, it’s okay to be not okay, junmyeon,” sehun comforted softly. at his words, the older turned over slowly.

as the leader rolled to face sehun, the taller could see the tear tracks on junmyeon’s cheeks and the drooping of his red, bloodshot eyes. his lips were pulled into a tight frown and sehun knew that something more than album details were discussed at that meeting.

the younger rushed to the other after taking in his appearance. he put his large hands on the other’s small face, gently caressing his cheekbones with his thumbs.

“junmyeonie,” sehun sighed softly. “what happened?”

junmyeon hiccuped. “they-“ the older took in a deep breath, “they said that i have to do better,” he sobbed out.

“in what way, baby?”

junmyeon ignored the pet name, and sehun tried not to dwell too long on it. “they said that my singing isn’t strong enough yet. and i’ve been trying to ignore the words from the internet, trying to ignore how tired i get to practice. but it’s not enough!” the leader sobbed into sehun’s chest.

“junmyeon,” sehun started. “junmyeon,” he repeated, this time firmer than the first. “look at me.” junmyeon tilted his head up to gaze into sehun’s eyes. “you’re more than enough, myeon-ah. i just wish you would ignore the company and the few mean people on the internet and focus on us. the other members, our fans- your fans, me. we all love you, and we all know how wonderful you are junmyeon.”

junmyeon furrowed his eyebrows. “do you really mean that?” he asked softly, looking down.

sehun tilted the smaller’s so he would look at him. “more than anything.”

~

since that night, sehun found their leader growing closer and closer to him at all times. whether it was during a concert, an interview, a variety show, or even during their rare moments of free time during hectic comeback preparations. but the younger couldn’t find it in him to complain or push him away.

in fact, he even welcomed him with a quick, light peck on the forehead and a soft whisper of, “come here, baby,” to accompany his actions.

~

“so...” chanyeol trailed off as they were sitting in his studio. “you and junmyeon hyung,” he started, obviously waiting for sehun to fill him in.

“what about me and junmyeon?” the younger questioned sceptically.

chanyeol raised his eyebrow. “oh, so no ‘hyung’ now?” sehun only glared at the other.

the blond only sighed. “look,” he started. “i’m only trying to look out for you and hyung,” he continued. “i just don’t want you guys to think you’re on the same page only for the other to find out that you’re not.”

“what do you mean by that?” the younger questioned slowly.

“you know what i mean.”

“no, i really don’t,” sehun replied defensively. “so if you want to tell me something, tell me.”

“sehun,” chanyeol respond. “there’s nothing to get so defensive about,” he responded carefully.

sehun only turned back to the large computers sitting above the sound board. “okay,” he mumbled.

~

though sehun didn’t stop his intimate contact and pet names with the smaller man, it took him well over a week to talk to junmyeon about chanyeol’s words.

and maybe their leader really was the leader for a reason, because it took junmyeon to ask him if anything was wrong three weeks into sehun’s internal dilemma.

“sehunnie,” the older started. “is there anything wrong?” he asked as sehun held him in his arms in the bed that slowly became the both of theirs.

the larger only feigned ignorance. “no, jun. why do you say that?”

“i don’t know,” junmyeon sighed, rubbing his face with both of his hands. “i’m probably being paranoid, is all,” he laughed awkwardly.

sehun’s heart clenched at the worry clearing showing on the smaller’s face. he knew then that he couldn’t avoid things any longer.

“actually...” junmyeon looked up at him. “there is something that’s been on my mind,” he started. he saw junmyeon nod silently and continued. “what are we?” he asked.

it wasn’t like they were overly intimate. just a few forehead kisses, cuddles, constant contact, and sleeping in the same bed, but sehun didn’t think that they went too overboard.

the older sat up at the question with wide eyes. “what-“ a deep breath. “what do you mean?”

“hyung,” the younger started, and junmyeon’s eyes widened slightly more at the honorific. “junmyeon,” he corrected himself. “do you like me like i like you?” he asked, looking deeply into his leader’s eyes.

junmyeon laughed lightly. “i-“ he looked into sehun’s eyes. “how could i not?” he gaped. “you’ve taken care of me so much, and i have a feeling that it’s been longer than these past few weeks, you’re so beautiful, a great person, and an even better dancer and rapper, and you’re so caring, and i can’t help but to fall for you.”

the younger grabbed the other’s face and pulled his lips to his own. junmyeon was shocked, but took barely a second to respond. their lips moved against each other’s slowly but passionately.

when they pulled away, sehun took hold of junmyeon’s hands. “i love you, junmyeon,” sehun breathed out. “and maybe you’re not there yet- not in the way i want you to be- but i love you so much, kim junmyeon. your cute smile, the mole above your lips, your precious cheeks, your bright laugh, your wide eyes, your expressive face. everything about you makes me fall harder and harder for you everyday,” sehun paused. “and i just wish you could see how perfect you are, baby. so so perfect to me,” he whispered, softly caressing the smaller’s pink lips with his thumb, the other wiping the dress tears from his eyes. “i love you.”

this time, junmyeon was the one who initiated the kiss, throwing himself on top of sehun, causing the taller to quickly move his hands to his waist to keep balance.

when they pulled apart from each other, junmyeon smiled softly at the younger. “i love you too, sehunnie,” he started. “so so much,” he continued, laughing in awe. “and thank you- for being there for me.” junmyeon let out another laugh. “i love you,” he repeated.

sehun only laughed and gave the older a peck on his lips. “what can i say, myeon-ah, it’s better to be held than holding on.”

**Author's Note:**

> the seho drought made me do it where like bro have sehoists been
> 
> also comment some other fics you’d like to see from me ig :)


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